


In A Bi Way

by casbean



Series: Askbean Prompts [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bisexual Dean, Coming Out, Dean Thinks He is Heterosexual, Dean has a bit of internalized homophobia and hates himself for it, Dean likes sex with girls, Dean thinks about girls, Dean thinks about sex with girls, Gay Castiel, Homophobic John Winchester, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester mention only, M/M, mention of charlie bradbury - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-22 20:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7453501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casbean/pseuds/casbean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean tries really hard to be a good person. But when he starts having invasive thoughts about his gay roommate, things that his dad used to say start making sense. Thankfully, Cas is there to help clear things up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Bi Way

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "If homosexuality isn't contagious, then why do I always have homosexual thoughts whenever my gay friend takes his shirt off?"

Dean isn’t an asshole. Well, he is, but he always thought he wasn’t that _much_ of an asshole, not like, say, his father. John ‘ _homosexuality-is-a-disease-that-must-be-eradicated’_ Winchester.

And maybe after spending his whole life hearing his dad, his role model, talk like that, Dean had a hard time extracting himself from that kind of thinking. But he’s out now, he’s grown and learned better. It’s bullshit and he knows it.

Now Dean is in college, half a country away from his father’s grip, and his mind is wide open. He’s still straight, though, always was. But he has gay friends - or, well, a gay roommate, Cas. And he’s been hanging with him quite a lot, and also with Cas’ friend Charlie, who’s a lesbian. They’re great people. Great gay people that Dean likes. Because he’s not an asshole. Well… not an homophobic asshole, hopefully.

Charlie is hilarious and Dean loves how much he can geek out with her, and Cas, well, Cas, he’s - a great roommate. And a friend. He’s really kind, and so smart, and beautiful, not that Dean really notices those things, it’s just - he may be straight, but he has eyes. And Cas also has eyes. They’re very blue. And very - there’s a big… iris… percentage…, which means it’s always very - very blue. Anyway.

Dean isn’t jealous or anything. Or maybe he is. He wonders sometimes. Because he did notice how full Cas’ lips are, and how they’re that pretty pastel pink color, like lips from a painting. How the muscles of his arms flex under his tan skin when he grabs things. So yeah, jealousy would actually make sense, even though Dean is pretty secure with himself, it’s kind of normal to be jealous because Cas is just so damn perfect, and it’s annoying. No freckles and no pudgy stomach, just… miles of skin and muscles and blinding smile and…

Jealousy.

That’s what Dean blames for his increased heartbeat and his flaming cheeks every time Cas is around.

Jealousy.

 

Three months later, though, he can’t keep putting the fact that he pictures Cas’ hands around his cock or Cas’ mouth on his neck or Cas’ dick in his - _stop thinking, stop thinking now, Dean_ \- when he masturbates on jealousy. He can’t blame it on envy that it happens especially when Cas has just gotten out of the shower, dripping wet with a towel around his waist, or is taking off is shirt after a workout. All sweaty and… well… Anyway.

The thing is, the invasive homosexual thoughts only happen to Dean when there’s gay people around. Like, when Cas is around, or when Dean sometimes sees gay couples kissing in the street or making out in a club - boy, does _that_ get him going. And even after he’s hung out with Charlie, and she’s been talking about lesbians, Dean gets these urges to watch girls on girls stuff. It’s like - he doesn’t like to think about it, he hates himself to think like that, he really does, but… Things that his dad used to say come to mind, and start making sense.

Because, Dean isn’t gay. He has faced the possibility - it took him a while but he made himself face it - but he really _does_  like girls. Like, a lot. Like, he really really really really likes sex with girls. He likes to think about girls. He notices girls around. He loves boobs. He loves eating out girls and being with girls and dating girls. Hell, he enjoys the fuck out of lesbian porn. A gay dude wouldn’t do all of that. Cas doesn’t do all of that.

So there has to be another explanation for all the weird thoughts about boys Dean’s been having, and the only one he can think of is one that he hates, one that bothers him so much that he dares not speak of it. But he finds it increasingly hard to be around Cas, because Cas is the one that induces the most images and the most disturbing thoughts, only confirming his theories. 

 

Cas, sweet soul that he is, notices that something’s up with him, and one day he ends up cornering Dean in the kitchen.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he says, with his trademark blunt honesty.

“I -n-uh- well-homework, and, things, and-” Dean babbles, looking somewhere in the air between his and Cas’ chest.

“Dean, cut the bullshit.”

Cas draws a chair and sits at the table, gesturing for Dean to do the same. It feels weirdly official. Like they’re about to have a meeting.

“Talk.”

Dean scoffs. If Cas was a girl, Dean would be turned on by his tendency to just order him around and take control of things. _If_. But he’s not. So. Obviously. Dean is _not_ turned on right now. At all.

He clears his throat and looks at his hands.

“So, uh, you know how my dad is, uh, like, an homophobic asshole? Like he thinks homosexuality is a disease and it’s contagious and shit?”

Dean shoots a quick glance up to find Cas looking at him with that freaking expression he has sometimes, all soft and empathic and caring, eyes gleaming and cheeks all round and pink and fuck, why-

“Yes. And I think it’s amazing that you decided you wanted to learn, and grow, and eventually saw things differently. A lot of people blindly follow their parents’ beliefs, and I know you and your father were very close.”

Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. Cas is looking at him with something undefinable in his eyes - those goddamn eyes - and Dean is feeling more and more guilty by the second. Like he’s the devil and Cas is an angel and this is judgement day. And he knows he deserves to go to Hell for what he’s about to say.

“Yeah, well, uh, about that. I mean, I don’t - I really, I really really don’t want to believe that bullshit my dad says, but -”

“But what?”

Dean expected Cas' tone to be icy cold, but it's more concerned than anything else. He looks down on his hands again. God, he’s ashamed.

“Well, this contagious gay thing is starting to make sense, alright? I know it’s awful, but…”

He hears Cas taking a deep breath.

“What do you mean?”

Dean puts his hands flat on the table. Cas seems to be making a huge effort to look impassible and to be an objective listener. Dean is incredibly thankful for that, for Cas wanting to be his friend, despite the horrible things he’s saying to him. So even though getting the words passed his lips feels like the hardest thing in the world, he owes it to Castiel to explain himself.

“Well, if it isn’t true, how come I have gay thoughts every time you take your shirt off? Or how come I suddenly start fantasizing about lesbians after I hang out with Charlie? What’s that about?”

Dean hears a huff, and he looks up to find Cas’ expression completely changed again. He smiling, and looking at him like Dean’s… well… kind of stupid.

“What? I’m just - it’s just - every time I hang out with someone who’s gay, which I have nothing against, there’s not - there’s not anything to even _be_ against but - I start - I start having gay thoughts. Gay thoughts, lesbian thoughts. I mean. And I’m not gay, you know. When I’m around straight people, when I’m around girls, I’m fine. It only happens around gay people, but not just guys, lesbians too. I don’t know what to think. What’s this about if this isn’t some weird contagious thing?”

Cas bites his lips to contain his grin and chuckles a little bit. Dean puts his head in his hands.

“You’re making fun of me. God, I sound so stupid.”

“No, no, I’m sorry, you’re right.” Cas manages to get serious again. He leans over the table and crosses his fingers together, like some kind of professor. “Let’s - let’s look at this objectively. So when you think about lesbians, are you… are you involved in those fantasies yourself? Are you a lesbian?”

Dean thinks.

“No, I mean. Sometimes I’m there, you know, as me, in a kind of… threesome, foursome, kind of thing. Sometimes I’m not.”

“Right. And when I do things, like take my shirt off…”

Fuck, here it is. Dean wants to run and hide, but he needs to face his monsters right on. Because Cas. Cas may be his monster, but Cas is also his friend, who’s here, trying to figure this shit out with him.

“Or when you get out of the shower, with a towel around your waist," Dean attempts. "Or when you lean over and your ass is all… There. Or when you laugh, and you look all happy, or… other things like that.”

Cas seems to be making a huge effort to keep a straight face. “Alright, and what does that… do, to you? What thoughts does it bring? Are you involved in those?”

“Well… yeah. You know.”

“For the purpose of being objective, I need you to expand.”

Cas is looking straight at him and Dean wiggles on his seat, suddenly feeling very hot. He could swear that Cas’ eyes have darkened somehow. He passes a hand on his face.

“Well, y’know, just. Gay thoughts. About, uh, you, and me.”

“Of a sexual nature?”

Dean lets out a little whine.

“Yes? Sometimes. Other times it’s just, uh, more… y’know…”

Cas raises his eyebrows.

“… domestic stuff,” Dean winces.

“But still gay.”

“Yes. Kissing and holding hands, stuff like that.”

“Okay. Now, that David Beckham poster in your room.”

Dean frowns, taken aback.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“What do you think his naked ass looks like?”

“Wha-”

A new wave of heat hits Dean’s face, something stirring in his stomach. He’s not sure if it’s from the images in his head or from Cas’ voice and lips forming those words.

“What do you think his cock looks like, hard and leaking precum?”

“You - why-” Dean is profoundly flustered now, and maybe a little bit hard. Maybe. “See, this is what I’m talking about, you being gay and putting gay thoughts in my head and-”

“You’re the flustered one. I’m not. And I’m the gay one talking about ass and dick.”

“I-”

Dean doesn’t know what to answer to that. Cas really got him there. Fuck.

“What if you think about David Beckham, naked-”

“Dude-”

“-fucking me.”

The reactions in Dean’s body from that image - Cas, dishevelled with kiss-swollen lips and sweat-covered skin, embraced in the strong, muscled, tattooed body of David Beckham, them moving together, making sounds and being inside of each other, sharing that together, that intimacy - are so strong and so meddled and so fucked up that his hands start shaking and his vision becomes blurry.

He looks up at Cas to find him smirking. Why is he smiling like that while Dean is having the freak out of his life?

“I believe what you are feeling right now is a very intense mix of jealousy and arousal.”

Dean wishes he could deny it - he should scream, throw something at the wall, defend himself against those bogus accusations - but he can’t. Because his anger isn’t at the words Cas said, but at David fucking Beckham kissing Cas’ neck like that, and a little bit at Cas for getting the chance to feel that legendary ass. And his own dick is bordering on fully hard now and he’s so fucked up from all those sensations that his chest feels like it’s about to explode out of his shirt.

“I have a diagnosis,” Cas says, pulling Dean away from his reverie. His eyes have gone all soft now, and so has his smile, and at least he doesn’t seem to be mocking Dean’s misery.

Dean throws his hands in the air in resignations.

“What.”

“I believe you are suffering from a very serious condition…” Dean rolls his eyes and sighs “… called bisexuality.”

Dean blinks. Passes his tongue on his suddenly very dry lips.

“Wait. But I like-”

“Women, yes. It’s kind of included in the whole bi package.”

“Right. But it would also mean I like-”

“Men, yes.”

“I don’t-”

Cas tilts his head. Dean grinds his teeth and looks down at his crotch - damn his freaking erection - then back up at Cas, who raises his eyebrows.

“I don’t like _all_ men.”

“Nobody does,” Cas scoffs. “Most of them are garbage.”

Dean swallows. Well, that would explain a lot. He feels like utter garbage for not thinking of that himself. Or he did, it crossed his mind, but he didn't - he thought, he just like girls _too much_ , and men, he'd just look at a random old dude and think he didn't feel like sucking his cock in that moment, and that settled it. He just never allowed himself to seriously consider it. He feels so stupid.

“I feel so dumb,” Dean murmurs. “I just. I don’t know why I never considered it as a possibility. I mean, I knew bisexuality was a thing, I just - I thought, when it came down to _me_ , I’d have to chose eventually. And that since I already liked girls, my choice was made, y’know?”

“It’s okay, Dean.”

“No, it’s not, I mean, I try to be open minded and educated and then I go around thinking my friends are contaminating me with their gay thoughts just because I’m too fucking dumb to actually admit I’m bi-”

“Dean-”

Cas has stretched out his hand and grabbed Dean’s wrist, gently pulling it away from his face. 

“This isn’t easy for anyone. Especially not someone who grew up like you did. And bisexuality is one of the most under-represented identities in the media, in the conversations. It’s one of the most difficult identity to accept. It’s okay. Sexual orientation is complicated and I would never blame you for getting a little bit lost on the way.” 

Dean looks down on Cas’ hand, still on his arm, thumb gently stroking his skin. His heart is overflowing with gratitude. And love. Cas has probably already figured it out, but he’d like to be able to admit one thing by himself. And first.

“Cas, I, uh, I kind of… I like… you.”

“Yes, I figured.”

Dean looks back to up Cas’ face. He still looks soft. He doesn’t seem disturbed, or embarrassed, or made uneasy by Dean’s confession. His fingers trace a small pattern on Dean’s forearm.

“In a - in a gay way. Well, in a bi way.”

“Yes. I know.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you too. In a gay way.”

Dean bites his bottom lip. He’s smiling, feeling warm and fluttery inside.That’s a good sign, he thinks. It must mean he’s okay with all of this. He still feels really stupid, but Cas is looking at him with such fondness, and he’s still touching him, and God, Dean is suddenly submerged by feelings he’s been suppressing for six months, and there are _so many_.

The most important is love. 

“What - what do we do now?”

Cas gets up. “Well, you could kiss me.”

He gently pulls Dean up by the hand. Cas’ fingers intertwine with his. He has really long and nice hands. Dean’s heart is beating very fast and his mouth is dry.

He finds himself really close to Cas’ face, and his eyes, like pools in the summer, and his eyelashes that Dean can almost catch with his own. And his lips. They’re very close. And very beautiful. And very…

“Kiss me,” Cas gently orders, bringing Dean even closer.

Dean takes a deep breath. And he needs it.


End file.
